Incomplete
by Lieu Of Flowers
Summary: Chapter 3 up. Post veil scene, and Remus has an angstfest. Rated T. Slash.
1. Chapter l: Incomplete

A/N. Yesh, it's here: my first ever fanfic. Please review. 

Disclaimer: I'm a poor student who lives off her toast. Everyone in this fic belongs to J.K Rowling, but the 'Incomplete Lyrics' belong to Backstreet Boys, both parties being much richer and more famous than me. So don't sue me. I like my toast.

* * *

**Incomplete**

_I've tried to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete_

_----_

_Pack mates, _he had said. _Pack mates, to the end._

You lied.

_No._

You betrayed me!

_Moony…_

Leave me alone, Sirius. _(Alone. He's already alone)_

_He always has been_

_----_

_Remus was sitting on the comfiest couch in the common room, absorbed in a heavy tome. Sirius bounded out of nowhere, a large, happy grin fixed on his face. His eyes were alight. He looked very pleased about something._

"_Guess what?"_

_Remus rolled his eyes. "You've been institutionalized?"_

_Sirius looked confused. "No, better than that!" he held up two necklaces, brown string with a pendant dangling from each. A bronze moon and a silver star. Remus blinked._

"_What are they for?" Sirius sighed, witheringly, as though the answer was obvious._

"_For US, Moony! To wear! See? The moon is for you, and the star's for me! I couldn't figure out what to get for Prongs, but he's not a canine, in any case."  
_

_  
Remus laughed softly as he took the necklace to observe. "A werewolf isn't a canine, Sirius."_

_Sirius snorted. "It's the same likeness. Put it on!"_

_Remus did, reaching his hands, up to his neck, the book slipping off his lap and producing a small, almost invisible cloud of dust as it hit the floor. He looped the string over his head, and closed his eyes as he did so. When he opened them, Sirius was gazing at him, wearing an expectant grin._

"_Well?"_

"_Put yours on, then."_

_And Sirius did._

_----_

_I didn't die on purpose, Moony_

I told you to leave me alone.

_I'm not leaving you when you're like this_

You already left me

----

_The world's gone black. All around him people are rejoicing, laughing, singing. Because Voldemort's gone, and it's all over. And there's no need to cry._

_He's sitting on a bench, by himself. The world is going on around him, unaware of his existence. Nobody cares that he's alone, now. Well, they don't need to. They have their own lives to rebuild._

_But the only people who cared for him are gone. Lily and James. Dead. Peter. Dead. And-he clutches the whiskey bottle he's been holding (and it's empty. Empty like him)-Sirius. The Traitor. In Azkaban._

_No. He's not going to think of him. He's not going to miss him. He's going to forget, and he's going to drink away the misery. He's going to forget what it was like to love, and to care. Because he doesn't care. And he wont forgive._

_But he can't forget._

_The bottle drops from his limp hand. It smashes into a million pieces. (Just like his heart did)_

_He's all alone in the world now, he's invisible. There's nothing, no one left for him._

_The world's gone black. All around him people are rejoicing, laughing, singing. Because Voldemort's gone, and it's all over. And there's no need to cry. But he does._

_----_

And now he's alone again. The people who matter are still gone. James and Lily. Sirius. And Peter, Peter the betrayer, the rat, the coward. He's still there, but he doesn't matter.

Nothing matters anymore.

Nothing else mattered when Sirius fell. Those precious, frozen seconds when he was still part of the living, seemed to last forever. He had to watch as Sirius disappeared from his life. He had to restrain Harry as the boy struggled, and screamed for his godfather.

But he has to go on. He has to pretend he isn't broken inside, and he cares what happens.

But he doesn't.

He stopped caring long ago.

But the pain. The pain has only just begun.


	2. Interlude ll: Remus Knows

**Interlude ll: Remus Knows**

**Explanation: I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. I had to write another short story. So here it is, the second instalment to a series of short stories.**

**Disclaimer: Remember what I said about the toast. J.K Rowling owns all. Oh, and I stole a line off HBP. But it's altered . So, onto the story.**

---- 

Remus is sick of it. He's sick and tired of it, and he doesn't want to face it anymore. He's sick of the sympathetic looks, and the constant questions. He's sick of the way everything reminds him of Sirius. He's sick of the memories. He's sick of the voice in his head, reminding him that he has nothing left, nothing to live for.

_You're alone now._

I know.

_You've got nothing, no one…_

I know.

_It's full moon in two days_

I know.

_And you're going to be alone. He isn't going to be here, this time._

I know.

_Silence. _Then-

_It was your fault, you know. You could have done something, gone and saved him. But you just stood there. And watched it happen._

I know!

_He could be here, right now. But he's dead. Because of you…_

I KNOW!

And then it comes. It all comes. The guilt, rushing up to meet him. The fear, because he's alone now. The loss…because Sirius is gone. And he knows, he knows, he knows! So why must it hurt him, taunt him?

Remus is breaking inside.

----

_It's dark inside the shack. The little bit of sunlight that could have filtered through the cracks, to bring a feeble bit of light into the shack, refuses to come. But this time, Remus isn't alone._

"_Moony? Moony, wake up, mate. James? Prongs, wake up. Where's Peter?"_

"_M'here."_

"_Time to go, you lot. Pomfrey will be here soon."_

_Muttering. Creaking boards. The rustle of clothes._

_Remus doesn't want them to go._

_Sirius knows. "Sorry, mate. We have to go before Pomfrey comes..."_

_Remus nods. He knows. He just doesn't want them to go._

_James is watching Remus. "We'll come see you in the hospital wing, Moony." Remus nods._

"_We'll bring food." Peter. Weak laughter._

_Remus watches as James and Sirius give him a last nod, and disappear under the cloak. He knows James is still watching him. He knows Sirius can't bear to. He knows. _

_He watches as Peter smiles sympathetically, and transforms into Wormtail. He scurries off in front of the other two. _

_Now they're gone. And Remus is alone again._

----

_Moony…_

Remus cringes.

Go away, Sirius. I can't deal with this now. 

_Deal with what?_

Deal with this. With you.

_You always managed to find a way…_

Stop it. Can't deal…can't think…

_Stop hiding Remus, they're worried_

It's stupid enough that I'm talking to myself…

_You're not talking to yourself. You're talking to me._

That's hardly consolation.

_Talk to me, then._

----

"_Talk to me, Moony."_

_Remus doesn't._

"_I'm bored, Moony."_

_Remus mumbles something indistinct._

_Sirius hates being ignored. He decides studying Remus has its merits. He watches Remus._

_And watches._

_And watches._

_Ten minutes later, Remus is getting slightly unsettled about Sirius's lack of disturbance. He looks up._

_Sirius pounces. And kisses him._

_Remus blinks._

_----_

Remus stares ahead. He's given up trying to block the steady flow of memories that infiltrate his otherwise closed mind. He's letting it wash over him.

He's numb, numb to the memories, the pain.

He's blind to the worried faces, the knowing looks.

He's deaf to the voices, the questions.

He's heard it all before. He's seen it. He's felt it.

He knows.

----

A/N. Okay. I've finished the second chapter. To tell the truth, I'm not too happy with this one, but eh. Next one should be up soon. Thanks to reviewers. Please R&R. Pretty please!


	3. Chapter lll: All That Matters

And here we have-the third one! Cue ominous music

To all my reviewers, I'd like to take this moment to say (wow, I sound like an Oscar-winner) I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!

**Mistine- **Thankyou! Haha, no, I'm not in college. And here you go! Updated!** Avalon Estel- **Oh dear, I'm sorry, I should have put warning. Bad me. But 'A Dazed Sirius' was fantabulous! **Bittersweet Revenge-** Wow, thanks for the feedback! And yes, Remus is getting a bit pie-eyed….but not too much, cos that's just not Remus, now, is it? Heh. Here you go, another chapter. **Mirror Lies-** Wow, thanks so much! It's ok to be insane, just look at me o.0. Heehee…I enjoyed that line, too. HERE'S MORE! **marauders4-**I'm sorry I made you cry, but I'm very, very glad you liked it! **Tattva- **Thanks for the feedback! **Wingsister-** Oh, dear, I'm sorry I almost made you cry :(. But thankyou!

So, here we are- the third instalment. It gets better towards the end, methinks.

----

"Remus?"

He doesn't look up.

"It's…it's - Remus… dinner's on the table…if-if you want it…"

As she hurries away, down the stairs, Molly Weasley curses herself for being weak. She had come upstairs with an intention, to talk Remus out of his misery, and to offer comfort. But seeing him like that, her previous intentions flew right out the window, to be swept away with a feeble excuse.

As Molly leaves the room, Remus curses himself for being weak. He knows Molly came upstairs to talk gentle sense into his head, but he can't stand the thought of her sympathy. He's tired of the quick and almost discreet looks he attracts whenever he makes it into company. He hates that he's shut himself off from everyone, when it's their loss as much as his. He hates that he's weak enough to turn to drink to cope with his loss.

But Sirius is gone.

And there's nothing he can do.

----

Moony… 

Oh god. Not again.

It's me 

Sirius…

Remus… 

How he longs to hold him again. (_To touch. To feel)_

To speak to him again. _(To whisper. To smile)_

To just _remember_ what it was like to feel Sirius's soft breath whisper across his neck, raising the tiny hairs, but feeling oh-so-right.

But never again. He'll never feel it, ever again.

----

_The door opens and slams shut. Remus looks up from the table, where he has been sitting for the past three hours, trying desperately hard not to cry. He meet's Sirius's gaze for all of two seconds, then looks back down at the burn mark he's been staring fixedly at._

"_I missed you for dinner."_

_Sirius doesn't say anything. _

"_It's on the counter…if you want to eat it."_

_Sirius shakes his head, but says nothing._

_Without looking up, Remus takes a deep breath and asks the question he's asked so many times before._

"_Sirius…where were you?"_

_He merely glances at Remus with bloodshot eyes, shakes his head and stumbles toward their room. Remus hears the door close, a clear message not to ask any further._

_Remus stands up shakily. He doesn't follow Sirius to the room repeating the question at a rapidly increasing pitch, which only ever leads to loud and hurtful arguments, and always ends up with the door slamming shut again and Remus crying himself to sleep. Instead, Remus flops down on the couch, puts his head in his hands, takes a deep, shuddering, gasping breath, and cries._

_----_

_Don't think about that, Remus._

Don't think about when you didn't trust me?

No one trusted anyone, Remus… 

Of course not. How could they trust their own lovers?

_Don't, Moony…please. _

And I'm talking to myself again.

_You're talking to me._

This is going nowhere, Sirius. Go away.

----

_It was never meant to be a big wedding. Just a gathering, close friends, various family members and relatives of the such. Not a big event._

_Yet for two of the people at the gathering, a small ceremony set on a small grassy hill, outside a small church, it was a huge event._

_James and Lily Potter stood at the altar, exchanging vows and beaming, alone together in a beautiful, golden moment, in which they could forget all their troubles, exclude all their fears, and not dwell on the future. For one moment, one glorious moment alone with only eachother, James and Lily Potter would be the happiest people on the earth._

_Remus wished it would last. _

_He sat beside Sirius, beside Peter, two of his best friends. Both happy, both smiling, both glad for the couple that stood before them, basking in their happiness. Both giving the impression that nothing, nothing anywhere could trouble them._

_Remus knew better._

_He knew Sirius drunk himself to sleep each night, worrying about his friends, worrying about the future. He knew Peter disappeared off frequently on secret missions, no doubt for the Order. He knew he, himself, just wished this War would end, that they could go back to being carefree, to enjoying their life._

_They'd have to fight, first._

But, _Remus thought, as he gazed up at the happy couple stood before him, _that could wait. _He couldn't help but grin as he watched James and Lily, finally a union, turn, smiling radiantly to the congregation, as he watched Sirius leap to his feet to congratulate them, as he watched Peter smiling and laughing happily, as James lifted Lily into his arms and span her around. He could hear his own joyous laughter, mingled with the others', as he raised his glass to the content, twirling couple._

Yes, _thought Remus, draining his glass. _That could wait.

----

We were happy once.

_You can always be happy, Moony._

Easy for you to say, stuck up there in heaven.

_I see you haven't lost your sense of humour yet._

Apparently not. But I'm still talking to my head.

_But this time, it isn't because you're drinking._

That's true.

_Moony…what do you say? Give life another shot, Remus._

Remus stares ahead. The door, which Molly had left half open in her haste to hurry downstairs, is letting the noises from downstairs filter into the room. He can hear the unmistakable sounds of the others getting ready for dinner. He can hear the scraping of chairs across the floor.

He thinks of a time when he was happy. He thinks of a time when all he had to worry about was Potions homework and Prefect Duties. He remembers his friends, and the feelings of trust and love. He remembers Sirius. A strange feeling arises in his chest, not one of remorse, of longing, but one of acceptance. Because he knows Sirius, beside, around, and inside him, is always there in all but life and body. He is forever there in mind, spirit and feeling.

_And that_, Remus thinks, as he gets to his feet, half-smiling, and walks to the door and down the stairs, _is all that really matters._

----

A/N- So there we go. Finished. I'm not continuing on from here, but there are more separate fics on the way. So, please, whether you enjoyed it or not, the little 'review' button is just screaming to be pressed! Au reviour!


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